This Mother's Day is extra special. We haven't really done anything different than any other day, but this year we happen to be grandparents. Our first granddaughter was born in January. Jada is so sweet and just plain precious. We were able to see her last weekend at Grace's birthday party in Columbus. As I held her and tried to get her to sleep, her mama said I should sing to her. For a moment I couldn't think of anything to sing. Then it came to me and I began to sing for the first time to this sweet little girl, "Jesus Loves Me." Can I just tell you how special that was to me. And don't you know she went right to sleep hopefully hiding those words in her heart that Jesus does love her.
Mother's Day has not always been an easy thing for me. Face it...being a stepmom is not what we all dream of growing up to be and there are no glamorous stepmoms to be found in any fairytale. At 25, when I got married, I'm afraid I was not the best at it. Looking back today there are so many things that I would do differently. Did I love my two stepdaughters? Absolutely! However, I realized that what I was trying to do in those early days was to love them in my own strength, in my own way. That did not work and never will. I have to say my biggest regret is that I don't think I represented God's love to them in a very good way. There are days that this thought overwhelms me. That I could have been a stumbling block to them is frankly tough to deal with. However, I know that I cannot change what was and I can only move forward.
Almost four years ago I did a Bible study called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It was the most pivotal moment in my life. I realized at that point that all my controlling behavior was because I did not trust that God could work things out the way I wanted Him to. If I wanted something to turn out a certain way, I had to take care of it, manipulate it, direct it, whatever you want to call it, so that it would work out my way. However, it never works out the way you want it to and I found I only made things worse. Through that Bible study I began to understand that God's plan is always better than mine and that the only person I can change is me. If I work on myself and allow God to do whatever it is He wants to do....things will always be good. He can change people not me and more importantly He can change them into whatever He wants them to be. Father does know best (at least our Heavenly one). So, today I'm working on doing things His way, not my way. It has been a tremendous journey for me since the days of Breaking Free...and it continues.
It wouldn't be right this Mother's Day if I did not mention my beautiful 8 year old. Grace is an amazing little girl and we are so blessed to have her. She just turned 8 last week and I can't believe how quickly the time has passed. We were having lunch with friends on her birthday and Nancy, whose daughter is also 8, reminded me that after the next 8 years they'll be driving. UGGGG! I don't even want to think about that. I will try to enjoy each and every day God gives us together. She has promised me that she will live right next door to me when she grows up and will let me watch her kids every day! I'm sure I'll have to remind her of that later. I love her so!
I don't know how many stepmom's might be out there, but let me just wish you a special Happy Mother's Day. I know it's not easy and you're bound to make mistakes. However, hang in there. Remember that whatever is going on try to look at it through the lenses of Christ. It's only in His love that you'll make it.